conceptualized happiness;

Tuesday, November 24, 2009

i've given myself alot of things to do this holiday

so that i wont slack and turn lazy, playing comp games
and then bang my head in jc

going to learn katakana, a little kanji, and master my hiragana!

but before i do all this, i have to reinforce my knowledge and use of mandarin, yes?

ive also decided to start learning up to grade 5 music theory

then next year i'll decide whether to take the exam

but will it be too late?
or should i register and take the exam in march?

drum lessons are fun
but my bad drumming habits and lousy coordination are hindering my progress

==========

one of my most favourite classical pieces

is tchaikovsky's piano concerto no.1

after so long of not listening to it (3-4 months?)

i fall in love with music again

but is it really my passion?

or do i make it my passion?

in any sense

i know i love music

off to fight my enemies:

myself

and lack of sleep :(
(eyebags are bigger and thicker than any mountain climber backpack now)

nights

4:11 AM
'teardrop on the fire;

Thursday, November 19, 2009

me is sick.
me is coughing.
me is having fever.
me has to go work tmrw.
me is worried he cant finish the job.
me is worried he cant even start on the job.

you know
sometimes its so hard to understand you
and i still expect you to understand me?

i guess i should just give more
rather than expecting to take

because when i give
i will subconsciously think that i'm actually taking

and that's the best part, yes?

i hate sick nights
oyasumi.

11:46 PM
'teardrop on the fire;

Sunday, November 8, 2009

i dont know if i should majority of my time during hols

preparing for next year

or trying to learn more music and go for my passion

can someone tell me?

all i know is

i dont want to slack around the house, playing stupid comp games like everyone else will

fail to plan, and plan to fail

im going to make full use of this time

and get back into something like exam mood

cause that's the only time im productive, serious, and determined :P

3:37 AM
'teardrop on the fire;

Friday, November 6, 2009

i am wanting to cover next year's syllabus, now already

even if it is not of confirmation yet

am i going overboard?

it seems my friends are thinking im just trying to piss them off

but i want to be prepared

i dont want to lose out

i dont want my slugabed attitude to get me again

i want to persevere

drum lessons? yes please

but i shouldnt make myself so busy

but also

to care for friends around me

sorry cheryl

i know sometimes im not helpful at all

but i never thought of giving up helping you

and really want to be by your side

thanks for always asking me for help :D

noodles first, im starving

and i havent been to the sea yet! :(

3:29 AM
'teardrop on the fire;

Monday, November 2, 2009

i have to work harder

much harder

the hardest

to get where they all are now

where all of them are standing

you all started from the canopy

while i started straight from the bottom

yes- to be worthy of you

or of anyone

i will not give in

again

never again

6:27 PM
'teardrop on the fire;

Thursday, October 29, 2009

sometimes you're so pessimistic
you forget why you were so pessimistic

is it you?

or me?

or everything that i cant do

and can never do

or everything i can never do

with you?

unlimited beacon

we will never win the elite force

only if we are

to fight is to live

7:56 PM
'teardrop on the fire;

Wednesday, October 14, 2009

i didnt get into the competition at all.

and i realized

my works

arent really good enough at all

such a fucking surrealistic weirdo-ish slum

============

deliberated
while we are all liberated

you are in the midst of the stroking polygons
flourishing
splitting without

sweat? beyond

slugs of rewinding tapestry

swirl

while zilch
we are

yet you still take off those eyelashes
vying for the speckled

scorn
skeptical

emblazon

======

i never thought i am talented or anything

but

why i was so despondent

was because poetry

is a solace to me

and to have it recognized

somehow means alot to me

so i wont go on anymore

writing as much as i used to

even if not writing alot now

but when i feel like it

but before i finish off retardia

my retarded seven-piece project

maybe consisting of what you've seen above

and spring out a last bit of creativity

goodnight

2:10 AM
'teardrop on the fire;